One of the primary reasons we try to spend quality, fun time with kids is to fill their memory with colorful and empowering episodes.

As men, we always want them to remember things we do together and to memorize what we tell them. It makes perfect sense – life happens to us all, people get busy, sick, people move, get divorced, and so on.

We want our kids to remember the best times we’ve had together. And we try hard to provide them with these times.

The reality is, no matter what you buy, where you go, or who you hire, kids will remember only the things their minds mysteriously decide to remember.

Your kids’ memory does not work on demand. They will remember something absolutely random and arbitrary (to you), and the younger they are, the more they will forget, and the more unexpected (to you) their memories will be.

I’ve noticed that kids store more or less meaningful memories starting at around 4-5 years old. Anything before that ends up as fuzzy fragments in their minds.

There are exceptions and some can definitely remember things from a very young age, but the point is you should not really count on it.

Neither should you burn yourself trying to imprint exquisite trips, activities, or deep lessons on them. A random phrase someone says at a table can become the brightest memory from that whole year.

A 4-year-old kid might have an equally amazing time walking the puddle in rubber boots as he would going on a daytrip to a mountain waterfall. The only difference is that you will get more tired on a daytrip.

I’ve definitely done my fair share of trying too hard to give my kids good memories, only to get somewhat discouraged when I realized they don’t remember much.

To be completely honest, I still break this rule often and take kids to places other kids don’t go (and they love it).

But a much healthier way to look at it is I go because I want to go, and I just take them with me so they extract their own value from the experience.

Here’s a little checklist of things to keep in mind if you want to fill them with great memories, I’ve split it into DO’s and DONT’s:

DON’T

Don’t burn out

This goes both for money and your energy. While the kids are small, focus on yourself more, so you have the time and money to do fun stuff when they grow up.

Don’t take a loan for a vacation with a two–year old. Take him to a pond, sit close, and play in the grass for three hours.

Don’t expect anything

The less you expect the happier you will be. Expectations give way to frustration and your frustration leads to their bad memories.

Take them fishing but don’t expect them to fish patiently. Take them to a good restaurant if you’re going, but don’t expect them to understand how good the food there is.

DO

Take care of yourself

Don’t be sleep deprived, overstimulated, irritated, angry. You have no right to dump the outside world problems on your kids.

When you are with them, every minute counts because any minute can become a lifelong memory.

Just be there and they will remember the right things.

Slow down

Don’t rush things, don’t overstimulate them, don’t overspend energy and money on travels or activities with little kids.

Feel their needs and increase the informational load gradually as they grow up. This post on slowing down will help.

Minimize bad memories

You can’t avoid bad memories in your kids, no matter if you are at fault or not. Our scars shape us, and people that have lived through no pain at all are ending up as complete NPCs.

However, since you can’t control what your kids will remember, make sure there’s as little of the bad stuff as possible.

Save it for later

Take them everywhere when they are older, starting at 5-7 years old. Basically when the milk teeth start falling out and the kids enter the age of reason – save it all for that time.

Trust the blood

So much in our life is hereditary and predefined by thousands and thousands of generations of winners.

We grow into our parents, grandparents, their brothers and sisters – generations manifest in each of us as we grow older.

Your kids are most likely to take all the good stuff from you and your family. Relax.