I didn’t like it.

That’s not saying it’s not good.

I’ve seen Tom Roswell’s review – he loves the movie because it’s very historically accurate in depicting Norse Pagan practices.

That’s valid, and I do not debate that. However, I value the mindset more than the historical accuracy and reconstruction.

Also, this is a parenting blog, and I review movies I watch with my sons.

The movie sends supposedly good messages – willpower, perseverance, justice, and revenge… But there’s just WAY too much pointless cruelty and gore.

The scene with children getting locked in a house and burned is something that kills it all for me.

I’ve read many Nordic sagas, but never came across anything like that. It’s also not very logical – why burn children if you can turn them into slaves?

I get a strong feeling that this excessive brutality has some sort of subversive goal to portray Old Europe in a very bad light, something like Midsommar by Ari Aster.

The “all Europeans are potential nazis” trope.

With that said, on the surface, The Northman is a solid Viking-themed movie with gloomy skies, dirty faces, and tons of violence. If you’re a fan of the genre, it’s a must see.

Yes, it’s got good lessons in it, but this blog is about movies you watch with your kids, so this one’s a bit off.

We’ve watched it once but there was a lot of skipping and “this is fake” explanations from me.

Cons:

1) The fight choreography is very often sloppy. While one-on-one 1 fights are good, the fort siege in the beginning is absolutely ridiculous.

That’s probably a good heuristic for movie directors – if you’re not going to top Hector/Achilles fight scene from Troy, you shouldn’t really be trying. Focus on other things instead.

2) The pointless excessive violence I mentioned above.

3) Sloppy crumbled ending, the woman lives, the child lives; the man dies. It did not look like it was his time to sacrifice himself.

4) The classic “it’s always cloudy and rainy” Viking movie cliche. Add more Sun to movies.

Pros:

1) Neutral and accurate display of Norse Paganism

2) Good story, the classic Amleth

3) Realistic props, no biker suits

Paganfather score: 5/10